Cigar Envy: A Vice Frowned Upon by St. HOLG's

St. HOLG's is a Christian cigar club, though we are ecumenical and tolerant of all faiths with which we share the natural law that binds are cigar lovers. But one thing we expect from every member and visitor is to curb any cigar envy. Cigar envy is a mortal sin among the members of St. HOLG's. We enjoy sharing our cigars, some good camaraderie, and will not brook any scintilla of jealousy of others' cigars.

A Dogma of St. HOLG's

This is one of the irreformable dogmas of the St. HOLG's cigar club.

This, one might add, is a great example of solidarity.

The Smoker a la Affiches Arrachées

The French modernist artist Jean-Charles Blais was born in Nantes (Loire-Atlantique) on October 22, 1956. At eighteen he was enrolled at the "École des Beaux-Arts" in Rennes, where he studied art for five years between 1974 to 1979. Beginning in the early 1980s Jean-Charles Blais focused on the art of the Nouveaux Réalistes, Pop-Art and Arte Povera of Mario Merz, especially the works of the so-called "affiches arrachées", i.e, "torn posters," which had a fundamental influence on Blais' work.

Jean-Charles Blais began to paint on recycled materials, including posters, cans, cardboard boxes and sheets of newspaper. In 1982, he painted only on torn off posters, using the irregular surface to guide him in the painting of his characters, The surface defects, which removed an element of freedom, determined his compositions. His first characters are generally large men who occupy a large part of the pictorial space. The faces are always hidden, a characteristic which transforms the figures into heavy silhouettes. Later works of this genre subsequently refined the appearance, but the identity of the subject is still missing. In the art of Jean-Charles Blais of this period, his figures are no longer characters but objects, their bodies are pieces of painting.

The 1984 painting Le Fumeur, or "The Smoker," is of this latter category. We do not have a silhouette, but a large figure, with a small head, any personality hidden by a large hand holding a cigar and a great puff of smoke billowing forth from the hidden mouth of the anonymous smoker.

The piece is a pastel on paper, 32 cm x 26 cm.

The Virtuous Apathy of Cigars

Thomas Hood (1799 – 1845), a British humorist and poet, was apparently a cigar lover. He wrote a poem whose thrust is the ability of a cigar to allow withdrawal from the world, an experience which most cigar smoker has felt at one time or another. The desert fathers and Greek spiritual writers often urge the Christian to develop a sort of divine apathy--apatheia. In a way, what these writers suggest ought to be done by virtue, discipline, prayer, conversion, and grace, the cigar does naturally. Fame, politics, running for office, international affairs, reading the newspaper, one's investments, one's career, one's ambition, the desire for wealth, the thirst for travel, the disappointments of love. All these things seem to be overcome through a cigar smoked in the quiet of one's home.

Thomas Hood

The Cigar*
by Thomas Hood

Some sigh for this and that,
My wishes don't go far;
The world may wag at will,
So I have my cigar.

Some fret themselves to death
With Whig and Tory jar;
I don't care which is in,
So I have my cigar.

Sir John requests my vote,
And so does Mr. Marr;
I don't care how it goes,
So I have my cigar.

Some want a German row,
Some wish a Russian war;
I care not. I'm at peace
So I have my cigar.

I never see the 'Post,'
I seldom read the 'Star;'
The 'Globe' I scarcely heed,
So I have my cigar.

They tell me that Bank Stock
Is sunk much under par,
It's all the same to me,
So I have my cigar.

Honors have come to men
My juniors at the Bar;
No matter - I can wait,
So I have my cigar.

Ambition frets me not;
A cab or glory's car
Are just the same to me,
So I have my cigar.

I worship no vain gods,
But serve the household Lar;**
I'm sure to be at home,
So I have my cigar.

I do not seek for fame,
A general with a scar;
A private let me be,
So I have my cigar.

To have my choice among
The toys of life's bazaar,
The deuce may take them all
So I have my cigar.

Some minds are often tost
By tempests like a tar;
I always seem in port,
So I have my cigar.

The ardent flame of love,
My bosom cannot char,
I smoke but do not burn,
So I have my cigar.

They tell me Nancy Low
Has married Mr. R.;
The jilt! but I can live,
So I have my cigar.

_____________________________________
*From The Poetical Works of Thomas Hood, (London: Frederick Warne & Co, 1890),498-99.
*Lar is the singular form of Lares, the domestic deities of ancient Rome.

In his film City Lights, Charlie Chaplin uses the cigar as a prop to show the deception of people's appearances relative to reality. Chaplin has received a Rolls-Royce and a nice suit from a drunk millionaire who cannot remember anything the next morning when sober. He therefore kicks Chaplin out of his home unceremoniously. As he tries to figure out what to do, a man strolls by with a cigar, and the smoke is simply irresistible. He follows the gentleman until he drops his cigar butt on the sidewalk, and then quickly gets into a competition with a bum for the cigar. The bum, of course, is fooled by the appearance of Chaplin. He is left wondering how such a rich man as drives a Rolls-Royce and wears nice clothes should fight him for a cigar butt on the sidewalk.

For those in our cigar club, there is no need to go chasing after cigar butts. We have a nice inventory of cigars at Fr. James Farfaglia's humidor.

Hey, Pink, whoever you are, have a cigar!

Pink Floyd uses the cigar in its cynical classic "Have a Cigar." The song is found in the group's Wish You Were Here album. One may recall that the original cover shows a businessman on fire. For those that don't recall, one can find a copy of the cover below.

While speaking of burning businessmen, "Have a Cigar" is essentially a short ballad. The story line is one where the members of the band are brought into the office of a record company executive. They are offered a cigar, and promised immortality along with a sweet deal which will introduce them into the "gravy train." The executive displays his ignorance by asking the group, "Which one of you is Pink?" not realizing that Pink Floyd was not the first and last name of a band member. It seems that there is a certain sense that the band has sold its soul for money. Mammon won the day.

"Have A Cigar"

Come in here, dear boy, have a cigar.
You're gonna go far, you're gonna fly high,
You're never gonna die, you're gonna make it if you try; they're gonna love you.
Well I've always had a deep respect, and I mean that most sincerely.
The band is just fantastic, that is really what I think.
Oh by the way, which one's Pink?
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy
We call it Riding the Gravy Train.

We're just knocked out.
We heard about the sell out.
You gotta get an album out,
You owe it to the people.
We're so happy we can hardly count.
Everybody else is just green, have you seen the chart?
It's a helluva start, it could be made into a monster
If we all pull together as a team.
And did we tell you the name of the game, boy
We call it Riding the Gravy Trail.

And they tell me all the winners smoke cigars

Josiah Leming, who might be classified as a musician that lived out of his car and who was self-promoted through Facebook and You Tube, is one of those modern phenomenons given to us by American Idol. Though he was cut before the semifinals in Season 7 of American Idol, he was able to negotiate a contract with Warner Brothers which resulted in his debut album, "Come on Kid." The album was a failure, which resulted in Warner Brothers quickly dropping him from its label. He continues his musical career, therefore, largely solo, suffering the disadvantage of weak marketing.

Though he is hardly a star, he does have the distinction of writing a song about cigars. For Leming, the cigar is a symbol of his dreams, dreams that he has not be successful at achieving. He seeks to go beyond mere cigarettes and alcohol, and seeks the grandeur that is epitomized by the cigar. For Leming, therefore, the cigar is a symbol of both his failure and his desire for success.

"This Cigar" Lyrics:

This cigar, burns a hole straight through my jeans and
Through your heart, as we watch the ashes form
Another scar, that I will never show
But some how everybody seems to know my demons
In all my efforts I've committed treason
For chasing dreams that are changing like the seasons
Make me feel so small, but I'm so proud to tell them all

That I'm a man now
I can drive a car
And I'm a drop out
I'm nobody so far
But I don't mess with
Cigarettes and alcohol
Cos I'm the best there is
And they tell me all the winners smoke cigars

This guitar, is pouring melodies that burn
Inside my heart, as the sound is broken up
By passing cars, they don't know that I'm above
Ir that I'm swimming in the middle of an ocean
I'm riding on a wave of pure emotion
Yeah, I'm drinkin up this sea like it's a potion
Maybe it could lend me wings, I'll either float or start to sink

Cos I'm a man now
I can drive a car
And I'm a drop out
I'm nobody so far
But I don't mess with
Cigarettes and alcohol
Cos I'm the best there is
And they tell me all the winners play guitar

And I know I've never been the kind
To let them get inside my mind
You just got to see that I need them on my side
I promise not to breathe it in
or ever strum a chord again
cos it hurts my lungs and burns my tongue to know that....

This cigar, burns a hole straight through my jeans
And through her heart, as we watch the ashes form
Another scar, that I could never show
Yet somehow everybody seems to know my demons
In all my efforts I've committed treason
For chasing dreams that are changing like the seasons
I know that I'm so small but I'm so proud to tell you all

That I'm a man now
I can drive a car
And I'm a drop out
Nobody so far
But I don't mess with
Cigarettes and alcohol
Cos I'm the best there is
And they tell me all the winners smoke cigars

I'm a sucker for fine Cuban cigars . . .

Brad Paisley, the country music singer, enjoys cigars on sufficient enough occasions to have developed a love for them, and to write a song about them. It is called "The Cigar Song," and it is found on his "Mud on the Tires" album. Unfortunately, the character loves cigars so inordinately that he ends up committing insurance fraud. No evil goes unpunished. And the love of cigars is no recognized affirmative defense to arson. So he is convicted and ends up in jail smoking cheap 10-cent cigars.

In his album "Mud on the Tires" is included a song entitled "The Cigar Song." The lyrics are as follows:

Well I'm a sucker for fine Cuban cigars
The problem is I can't afford 'em
But last year I went and got myself a whole box
And just to be safe I insured 'em

[Chorus]
I took out a policy against fire and theft
And then I hurried home
With a fifty-cent lighter I sat on my back steps
And I smoked 'em one by one

Two weeks later I went to see that insurance man
And I handed in my claim
With a straight face I told him that through a series of small fires
They'd all gone up in flames

[2nd Chorus]
They reviewed my case and they had no choice
But to pay me for what I'd done
And I took that check and bought a whole new box
And I smoked 'em one by one

Two weeks later this detective shows up
Tells me that company's pressin' charges
One speedy trial later they locked me up
On twenty-four separate counts of arson

[3rd Chorus]
And now I sit and I stare at a blank brick wall
Lookin' back on what I've done
To pass the time I've got some ten-cent cigars
And I smoke 'em one by one
Yeah, I smoke 'em one by one

Brad Paisley with cigar in mouth

I ain't vouching for this one

Frankly, guys, I ain't vouching for this one. This cartoon from Futurama Series that is entitled "Three Hundred Big Boys" just simply needs to be watched. It is tainted modernism. I think the moral of the story is that coffee is better than cigars, which, of course, is modernism by definition. The orthodox view is that there ain't nothing better in the world than cigars.